It has recently come to our attention that the Flagstaff Fire and Rescue is not the only institute that has been mobilized to assist the Walker Family in recent days. Apparently the Upstairs Metro Fire and Rescue was called for a Code 4niner-niner aka TURTLE IN DISTRESS. Details are as follows.
SUNDAY MAY 25th - 911 call to Upstairs Metro -
Dispatch: What is your emergency?
Russell: I have fallen and cant get up!
Dispatch: Metro units on the way.
Metro unit commander arrives on the scene @ approx. 1721 hrs. and finds one Russell "Cecil" Walker unresponsive and with a condition called "bloatamus maximus". This is a serious condition which happens when someone who usually eats small portions of food is introduced to a whole can of food and simply must try to eat all of it in one setting.
After a 3 day recovery period, Russell met with authorities at the Upstairs Metro Police.
At this time enhanced composite sketches were drawn. It appears that 4 suspects who were in the area are currently being sought. The Police Chief states that the guilty party should be considered DANGEROUS. Suspect will probably not look you directly in the eye and may enjoy listening to rap classics such as Gangstas Paradise.
Cashman "Guilty" Hatch
Sunshine Dottie "Flower" Fuentes
Teag "Brick Guns" Fuentes
Noah "Nips" Baum
(no actual sighting of "nips" at the scene but a male with the nickname "nips" is definitely suspicious)
All Future holiday parties @ The Walker home are officially postponed until the day after never.
Do you not know that this midget turtle has had diarrhea since Easters. (or was it memorial day)
7 comments:
Ok Jerry Walker, You are killing me. Seriously did Russell Cecil have a whole can of food dumped in his cage? Im almost positive it was all three of the first suspects combined. What can I do to compensate for my sons crime? He's on the long road to holbrook I believe. He does listen to gangstas paradise after all...
So sorry to hear about your turtle's troubles. Ouch. And no sorry it couldn't have been any of my children. They are so good. All the time. And really I can't believe that you would even think that they could do such a naughty thing. Especially because I was watching them like a hawk (like always) when we were at your house that day. How dare you! ;)
Don't you be calling "Nips" out like that. I have it on good authority that "Nips" was in the vicinity of Brooks Farm Ave. and McQueen Rd in Chandler, AZ on one Memorial Day 2009. If you ask me that Cash Hatch's mug shot showed one guilty perpertrater. Has Russell Cecil recovered?
Did I tell you about that one time, Cash Hatch's mother poured an entire bottle of fish food into Alice the fish's bowl while I was attending the 3rd grade? Killing her instantly. True story. Like I said....all clues lead to Cash Hatch.
oh my heck that was hilarious. a couple of things... i was just wondering the other day if russell the turtle was still alive and if he still lives in ethans room. also, i am going to raise my hand and take a guess gals on which gangsta was involved. only because he listens to that song and because of the look on his face. that was so cute.
Jerraldo I'm not sure but I think I sharted a little while reading that very discriptive post. I'm glad that the Flake family was several states away and therefore free to visit the Walker home without feeling guilty for past transgressions.
That was so dang funny, still laughing.
kort that is so cutie! i'm glad u did that!
love
kenzie
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